Stare
by fei3
Summary: Ken Hidaka muses on how the stares of one silent teammate can convey so much more than mere words. [minor changes done] RanKen. Please tell me what you think. Btw, I hate doing summaries!


Author's notes:

My fingers started itching and I just had to type this out, abandoning my barely written chapter of White for the time being. Gomen gomen gomen! ^^;; Blame it on sibe-chan, hehehe, who reminded me what great fics Mirrordance wrote. The urge to write this in Ken's POV came after I read, for the third time, her fic titled One Minute. Thanks sibe!

And Jin. This ficlet is for you. I promised you a RanKen and here it is. ^-^ It's not entirely what you specified though, but still, I hope you would like it. Warui na!

This is the first time I'm writing in first person, so I hope you won't find Kenken too OOC. And gomen 'cos I think the tenses got a bit screwed.

And no, he's not mine. Neither is the rest of Weiss. It's ok, as long as I get to dream of him. Hehehe.

To all my reviewers of White and S&C, thank you so much for everything. I hope you will enjoy this too. Ja for now!

****

Stare

by fei

It had always been difficult, getting him to speak.

Every time he opens his mouth, you can count the words with the fingers on just one hand. Well, two, if you include his most commonly used phrase: "If you're not buying anything, get out!"

Heh. I think he speaks more to those rabid fangirls in one sentence then he does to us in five. Don't tell him that though. He'll kill me.

Not that he hadn't tried before. That first time we'd met, I'd put up a helluva fight. But frankly, if Omi and Yohji hadn't turned up the way they did, well, let's just say I might not have been around to punch him that other time.

And he didn't stop trying after that either. To kill me that is. Not so much with physical blows, but with his charming attitude. 

"Aa". "Hn". Every time he did that, I had wanted to pull my hair out, or grab him and shake him hard till he begs for mercy (and boy would I have made him beg, if just to hear him talk). Or, I dunno, just go bang my head against the wall or something.

I don't know why it had bothered me so much, him not talking. Maybe 'cos it'd been too quiet whenever I'm alone with him. There's like this oppressive silence in the air, so thick you could slice it with my bugnuks. 

I could spend hours in the same room with Yohji or Omi without any one of us saying a word and it'll be all cool and comfy, easy and relaxed. Not that you could ever shut Yohji up. But with him, I fidget. I felt like crawling out of my skin or finding a corner to hide.

Maybe it's the way he kept studying me when he thought I wasn't looking. Well, there's news for you Fuijimiya Aya. Every single pore of my skin is attuned to your icy glare. So is every cell of my hair. I don't have to be looking at you to know that you're staring at the back of my head. I wondered why his glare was so potent then. Maybe it's compensation. You know, since he doesn't talk, whatever emotions he's feeling comes through the glare instead?

It hadn't been that bad before. Previously, when he's staring, it's just that "Baka. Shi'ne!" feeling I got. It was still scary of course, not that I'd ever let him know. Usually I would just whirl around and grin at him like some loony. Other times I'd frown, or, without looking at him, suddenly burst into a song-and-dance. Hehe. It's very entertaining actually, catching him off guard. It amuses Yohji and Omi to no ends too when I do that. Most of the times it'd earn me another glare of increased proportions. But sometimes, just sometimes, there would be this confused glint in his violet eyes before he actually looked slightly uncomfortable and turn away. That usually stopped me from taunting him further. Dunno. He looked vulnerable like that. And I kinda felt bad for being the one who made him feel that way.

Warui. I'm rambling ne? Where was I again? Oh yeah, it hadn't been that bad before. 

Well, things started getting really weird about four months ago. I can only say that the glare got slightly different, more contemplative maybe. It's like he's trying to look deep inside me, trying to figure me out, to see what I'm hiding inside. I no longer got that 'shi'ne' feeling. There's no longer animosity in his stares and weirdly, that made me nervous as hell when his ill-concealed broadcasts of irritation hadn't. At first I'd reacted the way I used to, turning around and either smiling him silly or attempt to glare him down. But he didn't turn away anymore. He would just stand there looking at me, and that look wasn't hard or entirely cold either. I wouldn't call it soft, but more like…pensive?

Anyways, after being given that unidentifiable-Aya-look the few times I retaliated, I stopped doing it. I didn't know what to do if I saw it again, other than stand there and have a staring match with him right in the middle of a crowd of fangirls. Heh. Come to think of it, that'll be funny ne? Seeing two guys standing motionless and just staring at each other.

Gomen. I digress again. So I didn't turn anymore. But I could still feel his gaze. Like little prickles running up and down my skin. As long as I was within sight, the gaze would land on me countless times. More and more frequently as the days passed. The strange thing was, I didn't get into a pissy fit. The thought that he was toying with me never occurred. Maybe 'cos he didn't look like he was enjoying my discomfit. Maybe 'cos he looked kinda sad. 

Anyways, I got frightened instead. I wasn't frightened for my life or anything. I mean, I knew he wasn't out for my blood and the others would always be there to protect me. I got frightened 'cos it stirred in me feelings I couldn't really understand. The gaze made me shudder and turn all weak inside. There'd be this funny fluttery feeling in my stomach and I'd blush uncontrollably. The worst thing was, I found myself longing for those sensations, longing for his stares more and more. Longing for Fujimiya Aya to look at only me.

I know Yohji and Omi had either caught on some time back or thought that I was going out of my mind. What else would you suspect if you see a guy blushing out of the blue and looking all hot and flustered without any apparent reason? And I became resigned to the fate that if Mr I-Don't-Talk-I-Just-Stare kept it up any further, I would soon be reduced to a puddle of goo on the floor. And even then, I still wouldn't have known his reason for staring. 

Well, enough was enough. Hidaka Ken never liked the feeling of being weirded out and I'd lasted that long already. So three weeks ago, I decided I would do something about it.

The opportunity came soon enough, when it was just the two of us closing the store. I was sweeping up when I felt a heat blossoming at the nape of my neck. Whichever way I went, the heat stayed on the same spot. I'd say he'd be a rather good marksman if you handed him a gun.

That went on for about ten minutes before I finally plucked up enough courage to do what I'd intended to. Hey, it's not easy you know, especially when you were feeling all achy inside. 

So dropping the broom to the floor, I finally turned and looked directly at him. He was standing by the shutters after closing them, hands by his side, the look on his exquisite pale face still unreadable. I cursed when I felt the beginnings of a flush on my cheeks again. Seriously, I should go see a doctor about that.

He was still staring. There was that look again in his lovely eyes, pensive, longing, hiding so much emotions within them that it made my breath catch. I had to finish what I started though. Obviously, he didn't say anything, and I didn't want to either. There was this mood like in the movie theatres, and I just didn't want to break the silence.

So what I did was walk right up to him. Slowly of course, since my feet felt like lead. He didn't back away. Maybe he didn't like the feeling of the shutters behind his back or something, but he kept his ground. 

The next thing I knew, I was standing right in front of him. We still didn't speak, and I felt myself drowning in those beautiful, beautiful eyes. He took a step forward then, so close we were almost bumping against each other. I wanted to say something, but it would appear that I had forgotten the keys to unlock my voice box. 

I could feel a full-out blush on my face and my body trembling. My nails were digging painfully into the palms of my hands. But I couldn't move, couldn't look away from those hypnotic pools. Looking back, I had to laugh at myself. Yeah right. I was _so_ in control of the situation.

I guess if it were up to me, we would have been standing there the whole night. So thank goodness Aya decided to do something, something that almost freaked me out at that time.

He lifted a pale hand up to brush my bangs away from my eyes, leaning in to read them more intently, a slight frown of concentration on his face. He must have found what he was looking for, for his features softened. His gaze was so kind and gentle, and I think I must have looked like a fool with my eyes wide in amazement.

And then he did the unthinkable. He bent down and softly kissed me. I was still standing there like a goddamned statue when he pulled away. His gaze soon turned amused and then his lips twitched slightly. The silence was finally broken when he said one word to me.

"Breathe."

I did. I took in one deep breath and started coughing. Yup. Hidaka no baka didn't realise he had been holding his breath. I swear I heard a small chuckle from him before I felt myself being pulled into his arms, one hand gently patting my back, the other wound possessively around my waist. The only thought that came to me at that time was how right it felt, like there was where I belonged all along. He was so warm despite his icy exterior. I'd never felt so protected and safe in my life.

I'd relaxed then, snuggling my face into the crook of his neck and breathing in, properly this time, his lovely scent of roses and sweat and Aya. I didn't realise I had wound my arms around his neck until I felt his soft, red hair against my bare skin.

I could have stayed that way forever. But then he tilted my chin up to look into my eyes once more. 

"Kirei*" he said. And I blushed like mad. 

He smiled then, and I could only look at him in stupendous awe. "Baka." Again. That word. But I didn't mind. Not if he was going to punctuate that word with a kiss every single time he said it, like he did that night.

I got lost in that kiss then. I could only remember how soft his lips were, how good his tongue felt toying with mine, how sweet he tasted, and how gentle his caresses. It was then that I knew what I had been feeling all along. I wanted to be in his arms. I wanted to touch him, to kiss him. And I wanted him to want me too.

We didn't go further than kissing then. We had gone up to his room where I stayed cuddled against him in his bed. I know I had a goofy smile on my face and my eyes were closed, if only to fully revel in the feeling of his warm, bare skin against mine. I could feel him staring at the top of my head the whole night, his fingers playing with my hair like he would never get enough. We didn't talk. But the silence was no longer oppressive, and the stare unnerved me no more. 

At that time, I didn't know if that feeling was love. Now. Now I know.

We're in the Koneko now, just the two of us and some customers. I smiled as I reached the end of my reminiscence. There will be time for many more lovely memories, ones that we will build together. I almost laughed as I felt it again, that little prickly feeling at the nape of my neck where the tiny hairs had started to rise. I know that once again, he's staring at me.

Sure enough, as I turned from watering the plants, he's watching me from behind the counter. As our gazes locked, I could feel the warmth spreading across my chest. No longer is that look strange to me. Now I know what it means. And I thank him for giving it to me.

I smile at him, taking his cue and sending my love to him with my eyes. He understands. And a corner of his lips twitched imperceptibly. A smile meant only for me. 

It still bothers me a little, him not talking. But it's okay. I don't need him to talk much. I still have a goal to achieve though. To get him to say those three little words to me instead of conveying them through his beautiful eyes. 

It's just three words, only two more than "Aa" and "Hn", so it shouldn't be _that _difficult ne?

I'll wait though, even if it takes me a lifetime.

I'll wait. As long as he keeps staring at me.

----------

owari

----------

* kirei - beautiful

Like it? Hate it? Let me know ne? Arigatou. ^^


End file.
